I Have Nothing To Write.
These past few days, I've been reflecting on my life; as where am I now? What significant things have I done yet? Am I a worthy friend? and so on. Thoughts are flowing out of my mind, but I have nothing to write. As I am writing this blog entry, I am writing a piece of my personal void. Trying to express my own insights about my recent reflections and still I realize that I have nothing to write. I just turned 24 last month, left my job recently due to my poor health, has a messy love life, just sitting on a couch or staying still on the bed all day long trying to comprehend what's happening or why do these things happen to me. Overthinking all night long about a certain part of my life where I messed up so bad, that I couldn't even pull myself together back on my foot again. This is the reality in me right now, I don't know what triggers these things to happen but every time I am alone, they tend to linger and be my company for a long period.
I am asking myself most of the time the same question: "Why am I feeling so sad?" I know that sadness is just normal, as we humans get sad sometimes due to some unexpected circumstances. But being sad all the time is a different story. As I am writing this entry, my emotions are undefined. Feelings that cannot be expressed by mere writing. Feelings that are beyond my comprehension to even describe as accurately as possible. Have you ever get tired? But not because of a hard day's work, but because you are still living, or breathing I should say. I am tired even when I just woke up. People say that depressed people are just lazy and they are just making their depression an excuse for them to stay at home or do nothing, but that's not the case. People must understand that anyone who is suffering from this kind of illness is not just making an excuse for being lazy. I even experienced it first hand - being judged because of being me. They always think that I am just too lazy to stay in a company for at least a year so I end up leaving as soon as 7 months or less. Well, people don't know what am I going through and I understand them for thinking like that about me. But what about us? Who's going to understand our part? No one.
As I am writing this entry, I have nothing to write. The passion has gone. I hope and pray that I can still be the person that I used to be. Who am I? all I know is that I am just a nobody who has nothing to write.
I am asking myself most of the time the same question: "Why am I feeling so sad?" I know that sadness is just normal, as we humans get sad sometimes due to some unexpected circumstances. But being sad all the time is a different story. As I am writing this entry, my emotions are undefined. Feelings that cannot be expressed by mere writing. Feelings that are beyond my comprehension to even describe as accurately as possible. Have you ever get tired? But not because of a hard day's work, but because you are still living, or breathing I should say. I am tired even when I just woke up. People say that depressed people are just lazy and they are just making their depression an excuse for them to stay at home or do nothing, but that's not the case. People must understand that anyone who is suffering from this kind of illness is not just making an excuse for being lazy. I even experienced it first hand - being judged because of being me. They always think that I am just too lazy to stay in a company for at least a year so I end up leaving as soon as 7 months or less. Well, people don't know what am I going through and I understand them for thinking like that about me. But what about us? Who's going to understand our part? No one.
As I am writing this entry, I have nothing to write. The passion has gone. I hope and pray that I can still be the person that I used to be. Who am I? all I know is that I am just a nobody who has nothing to write.
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